Beeaaarrss!

December 16th, 2008

A friend alerted me to this vicious attack, and since Stephen Colbert is on an extended holiday hiatus I felt I should alert the public to this brutal mauling..

Beeaarrrs!

“Blogs” – bllehhck! (revisited)

December 5th, 2008

in my very first ever blog post, titled “”Blogs” – bllehhck!” i ranted (go figure):

Who are these obnoxious people posting on-line diaries or “Blogs” as I understand they’re commonly called? Why do they presume that other people are interested in the uninteresting details of their little lives?

i went on of course to acknowledge, shamefully, the irony that now i was one of them. that was in 2002 for chrissake!!

now the estimate is that 50 THOUSAND new blogs are launched PER DAY, and 1.5 MILLION blog posts are published everyday!!

seriously people, WE (myself included) are NOT that interesting!

leave it to despair.com to sum it up so suscinctly. oh and one of my favorite bumper stickers of all times, next to “Against abortion? Don’t have one.” is “Nobody’s reading your blog!”

at least my blog is self-aware. i know nobody cares. so if i don’t blog for weeks, nay months, at a time. who cares!!

THAT’S GREAT

November 4th, 2008

…it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes,
an aeroplane – Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn,
world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs.
Feed it off an aux speak,, grunt, no, strength,
The ladder starts to clatter with fear fight down height.
Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site.
Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.
Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing!
Fine, then.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it’ll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right – right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o’clock – TV hour. Don’t get caught in foreign towers.
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn.
Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting.
Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crushed. Uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier.
Renegade steer clear! A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies.
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it. (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.
(I feel fine)

It’s the end of the world as we know it. (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it. (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide. Mountains sit in a line
Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev. Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.

It’s the end of the world as we know it. (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it. (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone)

AND I FEEL FINE !

(at least for tonight)

ps: no complaints or corrections please, i would never presume to know the lyrics to this classic so i looked it up and found more than one site that had the exact same words.

S.O.S.

October 31st, 2008

Please someone help me, it’s not healthy for me to have this Rihanna song stuck in my head for days and days and days! You should be able to sue for that, and I’d start with Mr. Chris Paltrow of Coldplay for that redundant, Rule the World song, then move on to Mr. Timberlake. Damn you people and your Pop music poison!

Yes, I’m still alive but if I wasn’t you could either blame the broken record in my brain syndrome for causing me to stroke out or the ETERNAL ELECTION FROM HELL for causing an anyurism! Because you know what else is stuck in my brain?…

There is absolutely nothing I could say about this person that hasn’t already been said, meaner and funnier than I could say it… Like Alec Baldwin on David Letterman referring to her as “Bible Spice”! HaHaHaHaHaHa! (you have to laugh, or you’ll just cry – and move to Canada) Seriously, I thought my mother was crazy!

But putting lipstick on this pitbull did get me to do my civic duty for the first time since 2000 when the state of florida collectively killed the whole idea of the democratic process for me – I have already voted. Now I just plan to drink heavily until christmas by which time hopefully we’ll know who the next president is.

Fasten your seat belts America, it’s going to be a bumpy ride!

ps: my boss is the creative type and every year he carves his own elaborate jack-o-lantern (without a pattern). here is this year’s

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Cartman Bonita

September 11th, 2008

South Park fans you may want to sit down, i have some news for you.. Casa Bonita is a real place!

i didn’t realize so few people knew that but earlier this week there was a story on BoingBoing about denver’s own Casa Bonita and people lost their minds some because they have been there and have very strong opinions, but more because they assumed it was fictional. which is silly because all the South Park references i can think of are real. from South Park itself, which really is a small part of the small town in colorado called Fairplay, which is ironic because it’s identified on the internet as one of the country’s worst speed traps, which i can attest to since the first time i drove through South Park colorado i got a speeding ticket from officer Barbrady; to the fact that tom cruise won’t come out of the closet.

anywhoo, Casa Bonita is real and yes it is as wonderful as Cartman claimed and if i was a kid i might be tempted to lock Butters in a refrigerator for a chance to go.  because yes, they have puppet shows, and a wild west show, and strolling mariachi bands, and of course cliff divers – that’s right, cliff divers… inside the restaurant!! plus a gift shop, plus an arcade, with skee ball! it’s fabulous!!

ok, so what the strip mall it’s in has seen better days, so what it smells like pirates o the carribean – the ride, not the movies (the movies smell much worse! hahahaha!), so what the food is the equivalent of high school cafeteria mexican food, it’s about the experience!!

we’ve taken most all of our out of town visitors there over the last few years. those who have a sense of humor, and a sense of adventure truly enjoy it. one of them even liked the food! oh, and that’s not totally unreasonable – their free, unlimited sopapillas are sooooooooooo goooooooood! and you just have to raise the flag on your table and they’ll bring you a new, fresh, hot basket! i am not making this up! of course trying to get a long-time denver resident to go to “the casa” is a little trickier. i don’t know why.. you can sit and dine overlooking the dive pool, or in the villa, or behind the water fall, or in the cave with the stalactites & stalagmites, and have your characature (sp?) drawn, or have one of those old-timey photos taken, all while drinking margaritas! what could be better than that?

dude.. i just decided where my 40th birthday bash will be!!

ps: in the days since the Casa Bonita story was posted on BoingBoing the comments have kind of exploded. people are raving about how great it is; raging about how horrible it is; and reminiscing about all things nostalgic in denver – it’s pretty funny!

Nevermind the DNC..

September 5th, 2008

you know what a short attention span i have so guess you won’t be getting a wrap up of the DNC from me.. sorry, but (a) i think those signs pretty much summed up the insanity around here, and (2) i’m thinking they had it a lot worse in the twin cities for the RNC, poor bastards, that eskimo woman seems a little wacky!

besides there was a much more significant event that week.. my birthday! and for my birthday, in addition to being able to witness the dnc, i also got two flat tires and a speeding ticket, oh and a big zit on my chin!

yay, 39!! (yes, that’s right 39 (for the first time) and still getting zits. blerg!!)

oh well, they can’t all be champagne and roses, and on the bright side.. if this keeps up i’ll actually be looking forward to turning 40! ;)

ps: i did also spend a couple of very nice evenings with friends, and i have really great friends! what more could one ask for?

Highlights from the DNC

August 29th, 2008

..a full wrap-up to come but here’s my absolute favorite picture.

the big sign to the left reads,

WARNING
Baby Killing Women
So Called Christians
Porno Freaks
Muslims
Drunks
Homosexuals
Party Animals
Rebellious Women
Liberals
Jesus Mockers
Sex Addicts
Mormons

GOD WILL JUDGE YOU.
——————–

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Uh-Oh, i fall into four of those categories. oh wait… that last one says mormons. i thought it said morons so i technically only qualify as 3 of those things. i’m not saying which ones.

On the right:

Homo-Sex Is A Threat To National Security
———————————-

Wow! Really?

In the bottom right corner:

Computer Problems?
Call NERDS
—————-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Um.. now I’m a lot scared.

August 27th, 2008

this “sign” which was intended to break a world’s record for the largest protest sign was displayed on the side of table mountain in golden, co, just west of the city.

don’t know about you but I find right to lifers way more scary than tanks!

holy crap! when i was younger and had more energy that would have just made me want to run out and get an abortion! now i’ll simply defer to my favorite bumper sticker – “against abortion? don’t have one.”

ugh.. is it over yet??

Ok.. now I’m a little scared.

August 26th, 2008

wow.. i thought the dnc was just going to be a pain in the ass, a minor major inconvenience for those of us non-partisan types trying to you know.. function in denver this week. turns out i kind of underestimated..

we found this blog by Ethan Persoff, boasting “Political Ephemera, Drug Hysteria, Vintage Sex, Health Items & Other Miscellany Delivered To You In A Timely, Inappropriate Manner Since 2001.”

well he’s in denver to cover the dnc and has a startling , to say the least, account of DAY TWO.

here’s an excerpt about the police surrounding and trapping a group of young, unarmed protesters because they left the “designated protest area”:

Finally, after the arrival of two tanks, hundreds more police, some snypers on the top of the Sheraton hotel, more gas masks, horses, cargo trucks, five helicopters — the crowd was released. And with them, the stories.
It’s difficult to know what is true and what isn’t, but I can trust the faces. You can tell when someone has experienced something truly shocking to their internal system. They begin to purge out information like they’re just trying to make sense of it for themselves. It was during a few conversations that I heard the most brutal stuff:

..”I saw this one cop – it was with a fifteen year old kid…. They scream for everyone to get on the sidewalk. This kid does what he’s told but the cop just still comes right at him with him billy club and WHAM, hits the kid horizontally … fifteen years old … right in the chest with the cane with something that looked like 80 or 90% of the cop’s body weight. This kid’s suddenly up against a wall and the cop continues to hit this kid eight or nine times.”

they also arrested three men separately believed to be plotting against obama, they haven’t said why they believe that, just that they had bullet-proof vests, rifles, ammo, walkie-talkies, etc. and one of those dudes was in aurora when they picked him up. oh yeah, did i mention?.. we’re actually in aurora (which makes up appx. the eastern 1/3 of the denver metro area.)

TANKS?! yikes! and obama’s not even here yet! that’s it, i’m staying indoors the rest of the week!

car trouble

August 25th, 2008

funny thing happened on the way home from the dnc… actually we didn’t go to the convention, we just went downtown for dinner (see previous post). oh while we were there we also saw a kid have to take a sobriety test and subsequently get arrested in the middle of the mele because he picked the totally wrong time to have a few beers then cruise through larimer square to pick up chicks, only to rear end somebody while checking out said chicks. genius!

anyway we left downtown and got on the highway. i was in the center lane in the celica, there was an accident in the right lane, a bus pulled over in front of me so i couldn’t see the rather large, black, metal object in the road until i ran over it and got two flat tires! me and about 6-10 other cars, and since you only carry one spare we all had to call for tow trucks. we were actually lucky it only took about 40 minutes for ours to get there in which time we saw two foxes (which was odd because we were very much in the city) and are pretty sure we heard four gunshots.

regardless, we got home safely, but it reminded me a day several years ago when i found myself in three tow trucks in one day!

i was on my way to work at the mall when my civic died, the water pump broke. so i got a tow to our mehanic’s place. but i kind of thought i was in luck because m’s car happened to be there already because she had some minor repair work done. so i called work and told them what happened and headed in, but i got half way there and the clutch went out.

no way! so i call another tow truck and head back to harry’s (that’s our mechanic). he wasn’t going to rush to replace the water pump, but he made some calls and got one asap and i took off again.

i don’t even remember what happened that time, but you guessed it…

i know, right?! the really amazing thing is that i actually eventually went to work! i had to, i needed the money!

the question now is… how do you go and get new tires when you’ve got two flat tires??