Okay, so today I had the tv on Court TV (the Robert Blake thing has me at least temporarily captivated), when I heard the coolest thing ever! But a little background info is required here.. the first major, over-sensationalized, tabloid tv scandal that really really hooked me was the Amy Fisher saga. I was totally obsessed with the plight of the little Long Island Lolita, and Joey, Mary Jo, and the whole dysfunctional cast. I ate it up! I never missed an episode of Curent Affair and I saw ALL 3 made-for-tv movies - my favorite was the one with Alyssa Milano, which will still have me glued to Lifetime if they happen to air it. At some point a friend even got me the video tape of the “American Justice” episode that covered the story, because everyone knew I was a big fan. So anyway.. I’m online looking for a job, when I hear something on Court TV that caught my attention ‘Amy Fisher.. parole.. colmnist in Long Island.’ WHAT? I grabbed the TiVo remote and blipped it back as quickly as possible! “Amy Fisher, the Long Island Lolita’s parole officially comes to an end today.” but then the best part.. “The twenty-eight year old is now working as a columnist for a Long Island newspaper.” Ohmigod! See ya later monster.com, I launched a search and had immediate results. How did this get past me?! Check this out! She’s been writing for “The New Island Ear”since last summer! Her first submission, was “Judging Amy,” her own story! But the BEST one I’ve found so far.. “Dating Older Men” ! HaHaHaHaHa!! Well I guess you could definitely call that expert advice!
So anyway.. I have a new page to bookmark, and Amy’s back! Yay! - I missed her.

And now for another installment of “the coolest fucking thing i’ve seen on tv lately!”
I considered writing about “I’m a celebrity, get me outta here,” which at first I just thought was totally stupid. Oh, don’t me wrong - it is TOTALLY stupid; but it is not totally without appeal. Annoying ‘B’ celebrities are being humiliated and having to pee outside. Yet, it still doesn’t rate as “cool,” especially since they’re allowing Melissa Rivers to smoke like a chimney! Come on! Anyway, the coolest fucking thing I’ve seen on tv lately is actually on right now, but this is the second, and a half, time I have seen it. “Citizen Ruth,” a really bizarre movie starring Laura Dern who plays a very convincing huffing junkie in some dumpy little mid-western town, who is arrested for the 16th time for ‘criminal inhalation of a hazzardous chemical’ (i wonder if that is really an arrestable offense?), and when the judge finds out she is pregnant with her fifth baby he decides to charge her with ‘endangering the life of her fetus’, a felony, but he tells her he’ll drop the charge if she “takes care of” the problem. Well, then this wacky bunch of pro-life activists find out about it and think they have caught the courts in a contradiction by declaring her fetus a life that she has endangered, so they bail her out and take her in to make an example out of her, and they’re a bunch of religious fanatics trying to clean her up but she keeps sneaking away and huffing. Then she ends up with a group of undercover pro-choice zealouts who want to keep them from using her to ’send a message,’ so there is a media frenzy and she just keeps getting drunk and getting high, but at the same time she is listening to a self-improvement tape and learning how to make wise investments. It is totally outrageous and totally hillarious! Oh did I mention that it’s a comedy?! I guess you’d have to call it a dark comedy, Laura Dern says shit and fuck A LOT, but Burt Reynolds plays a tel-evangelist type pro-life guru for godsake. It doesn’t get much cooler than that - in a white trash kinda way, and we all know white trash tv is the best tv.