Today in my rear-view mirror I see a strange looking SUV, but since Denver is the SUV capital of the world because you know they all go four-wheeling in the mountains every weekend (yeah right), I didn’t think that much of it. Then it passed me at about 65 in a 40 – asshole! Still thinkin’ it’s funny looking, then he gets right in front of me. It’s called a “Cayenne Turbo” so I’m thinking stupid name too, but I can’t identify the manufacturer, I’m thinkin’ must be a Hyundai or Daewoo or something. Then I see the bumper sticker and am equally amused and appalled… it says in big green letters, “Earth First.” Are you fucking kidding me?!! Then he gets in the right hand turning lane –yes, he sped around me to slow down quickly and turn- I sped up a little to try and see the front again looking for a brand name on this suburban ussault vehicle. I’m thinking ‘maybe it’s a Honda hybrid or something and this guy is a wealthy naturalist on his way to some environmental emergency.’ Just before he turns I do see an emblem on the hood but I can’t believe my eyes.. it’s a fucking Porsche ! again… are you fucking kidding me?! So I looked it up when I got home and it’s no joke (well that depends on your sense of humor I suppose); The 2003 Porsche Cayenne Turbo costs 100 grand and averages 15 mpg. “Earth First”??? what the.. why would you.. are you kidding me? [By the way, if this guy gave $250K to Green Peace this year I take it all back, but I’m feeling pretty confident that I won’t be issuing any retraction.] What is wrong with people?
So now let’s get back to a much more pleasant topic that I was supposed to get back to days ago but I got all distracted when Arnold announced his candidacy. I’ve been trying to figure out how to establish dual residency in Cali so I can vote for him.
”Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” - ohmygod this show is faaabulous! It’s like “Trading Spaces” + “So Graham Norton” to the 10th power! I don’t know why it’s not on every day? But at least my Tivo has something to do on Tuesday evenings again (sorry but the Osbournes have completely lost their charm). The total transformations of both the men and their living spaces are unbelievable. God I wish they would have queer eye for the straight girl – I so need them! For the record, my fave Fab fives are Carson, Kyan, and Thom. They are so damn funny, we usually end up laughing ’til we cry. They’re so funny that I even forgave them and laughed when they outed Bert & Ernie once and for all. But I am a bit perplexed about when exactly did Gay become so in? I have been a borderline fag hag (yes I know that is a tad offensive to everyone involved but it gets the point across) for many many years but since when am I ahead of the trends? And now I have some weird form of penis envy in which I really wish I was a gay man. Think of the benefits.. double the disposable income & the wardrobe. But are you telling me that people in Nebraska appreciate the oh so colorful banter and continuous phallic references? I’m guessing no, but as long as TNN is still running Dukes of Hazard everybody wins!
God damn it. I just saw a new commercial with Run DMC that INCLUDED Jam Master Jay. Well, I guess I can stop ranting about the Madonna Gap commercial, and I can stop drinking Dr Pepper! Actually it’s the surviving two that I’m mad at –have some dignity- but I guess it’s a little late to boycott Run DMC.
I can’t take it anymore!