I work at a mall, or as I call it HELL with air conditioning. And I am so sick of seeing these silly, bleachy, bitchy, too tan girls wearing their low-rise jeans or mini skirts, or micro shorts with their tight little short shirts specifically designed to reveal their oh so trendy tattoo on the small of their back. “Ooh you’re so cool, you’re girlie but you’re tough, you must be a deeply complex person.” Or maybe it just means that you think that you’re hot and that you’re a bad ass. But what I think it really means is that you’re a bimbo and a trend whore who can stand a little pain but can’t form an original thought.
Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh but seriously, getting a big obvious tattoo because it’s fashionable is about as brilliant as… well, as paying to expose yourself to direct, intense, cancer-causing UV light - ON PURPOSE - to have a “healthy tan”! God girls are stupid! I wonder what those tattoos are going to look like on a generation of 60-year-old women? I suppose it will go nicely with their surgical scars, saggy salines, and botox track marks.
I know I sound judgmental – because I am. But I’m really not. My friends and I actually were planning to get tattoos on one of our birthdays (I don’t remember who’s) in our mid-twenties. We were sitting outside of Skin Deep in Waikiki waiting for our turn and talking about what we were going to get. It was just going to be small stuff, m wanted her name in Japanese on her ankle, I wanted a small sea turtle somewhere, not sure where. Then Robin said “Can you picture still having these things when we’re 60?” And well that’s pretty much all it took. Needless to say I am, to this day, tattooless (thank god).
I am in no way anti-tatoo! They can be really cool, case in point – Anthony Kedis’ big back phoenix. I am just against the concept of a tattoo being a symbol of social conformity for these silly, sleazy trl girls, or worse the snotty sorority girl types in their standard issue banana republic ensemble. Whatever!
Speaking of stupid tattoos… first prize, no contest, goes to Carson Daily! I was actually watching his late night spot wondering, as I have wondered many times before, how did this ever come to be? Does his uncle like own the network or something? And what is with those chairs? They’re so low everybody’s knees are in their ears. So I feel I must explain that I was only watching in order to indulge my girl crush on Angelina Jolie. Anyway, during Carson’s interview with Angelina he was asking her what she was doing about her Billy Bob tattoo. She says she is having it totally removed. He asked her isn’t that painful and why she didn’t just have it transformed into something else and offers his ankle as an example of this brilliant strategy. He reveals how where Jenifer Love Hewitt’s name had once been ‘permanently’ branded there was now a swiss army knife, but instead of having a blade it had a lobster claw! I’m not making this up, it was the tackiest, most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen, and so damn funny! Who the hell would even think of that and WHY?! A swiss army knife with a lobster claw? Trying not to laugh hysterically like we were, Angelina just let out a little chuckle then pressed her lips together tightly (hot!) to maintain her composure and said something like, “I guess I just never thought of anything quite so clever as a swiss army knife with a lobster claw,” but she couldn’t quite get thru it without cracking up. Meanwhile we were laughing so hard we cried. Finally, Carson Daily’s inexplicable celebrity paid off for me if only for a moment.