i remember living in NJ (tho i try to forget), we were going north on the turnpike one day, probably heading to ikea, we had just narrowly avoided two crazy drivers involved in some ugly, but not unusual, display of road-rage, and heard a news report that residents in north jersey and manhattan were advised to stay indoors with windows closed as much as possible that evening because they were going to be spraying to try and kill mosquitoes to try and control the outbreak of the west nile virus. meanwhile in our neck of the garden state we had been advised not to drink or cook with our water for five days because hurricane floyd or somebody like that had come thru and flooded the water treatment facility tainting the treated water with the untreated water. our friends who lived just 5 miles away, however had been advised not to even shower or brush their teeth with that water!! it was whack! you would go to a restaurant and they couldn’t even offer you tea or coffee and in the bathrooms they had big dispensers of hand sanitizers because you couldn’t wash your hands, and they had disclaimers in the menu to assure you that their dishwasher operated at a temp of like 550 degrees which would kill any bacteria in the water or some crazy crap like that! anyway.. i finally looked at m and said, “where the hell are we living?!??”
since leaving nj and moving to co, i have often had occasion to scoff at the news reports when the lead story is some guy at circle k was held up with a box cutter; or they go on and on about how there was a meth lab in the suburbs; or when people tell me to be careful if i have to go to aurora because some guy was shot at the mall there in 1997. “puh-leazzze”, i tell them, “i’ve been lost in camden nj at 2 in the morning!” “i’ve taken the path train from hoboken to penn station.” “i watch the sopranos
it would seem that colorado has angered the gods recently. in the last 3 weeks or so, we’ve had about 40″ of snow in the city of denver (not an exaggeration), and you’re probably thinking colorado + winter = lots of snow, and that is true when you’re above 8 or 9,000 feet but here at 5,280 (that’s a mile, btw, hence “the mile high city”) we really, truly, get very little snow. we may get 3-4 inches over night, but the sun melts it off by noon, and btw, we have more sunny days annually than honolulu! normally, 8-10″ is a lot of snow in the city and even that normally only lasts on the ground for 2 days tops. today is the first day i’ve seen the ground in 3 weeks and it’s supposed to snow for the next 3! we went several days with no mail or other deliveries, and we went 16 days without trash pick up, but some places went almost 3 weeks. you have no idea how exciting it is to hear the garbage truck now! plus we’ve had “ground blizzards!” wtf is a ground blizzard you ask?? it’s when it is not actually snowing but you’ve got blizzard strength winds blowing the snow that’s on the ground to create white-out conditions. we had 180 mph winds last week!!
then there’s the sudden crime-wave. a broncos player, Darrent Williams was killed in a drive-by on new year’s eve. a drive-by!!! did you know they still did drive-by’s?? my second reaction was those are some hard-core gangsta’s (yes they are blaming it all on gang activity. did you know they still had gangs??) to be doing a drive-by with the roads all icy & shit! they must have snow tires on their drive-by-mobile. then some housewife went missing and they found her two days later dead in the trunk of her own car at the park-and-ride near me - in the burbs!!
and to top it all off, and this is just too much… a large methamphetamine distribution organization based in Colorado was busted using Elmo dolls to smuggle meth! hahahahahahahaha! “that tickles!” hahahahaha!
The DEA’s Rocky Mountain Field Division, sources say the muppet was presumed armed and dangerous! hahahahahahaha! where the hell are we living?!!
you know what this means right??….
CSI: Denver !
