No, last tuesday did not kill me, although both Dog & Criss pulled out all the stops to try to with A&E airing “a man called Dog,” where “the dog” rewrote history (mostly his own) for an hour; followed by mr mindfreak doing a houdini re-make of a jail-break and revealing how he did it.. i.e. he made an imprint of the key the day before, had a key made and snuck it inside his boot. are you kidding me?? why are you telling me this? why would anyone believe anything you say or do now?

then he performed a true magic trick… he had sex with britney without his wee-wee falling off, as far as we know!

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..ok hold up, i was going to go further in this post about the britney-criss scandal (which yes also nearly gave me an aneurysm but i’ve been busy with an out of town guest for a week), and make comments like now that he has officially been linked with the entire std trinity, aka the valtrex squad, (paris, lindsay, britney) he is just one big walking herpes; or like maybe he’s just out to get all of justin’s sloppy seconds…

but in the middle of writing this post i watched this week’s episode of mindfreak and all i can say is… wow.

he’s resorted to “hypnotizing” chickens and calling it magic! for me to bother making fun of him now kinda seems like.. i don’t know.. pointing out the obvious to say the least.

aside from the obvious lameness of this particular “illuuuuusion,” and at the risk of revealing my heritage, let me tell you why this was a pathetic ploy. all anybody needs to hypnotize a chicken… is a chicken! yes, i know i seem very sophisticated and cosmopolitan, and while i myself have not “hypnotized” a chicken i can give you a first-hand, eye-witness account of how one goes about causing a chicken to lose consciousness in literally 2 seconds flat. you pick it up, hold onto it’s feet and hang it upside down. that’s it! before you count to three the blood in its big body will rush to it’s tiny head and it will pass out. so either that’s what he did just before they said ‘action’ or he did it by simply holding the chicken, as we saw him, with its head lower than it’s body and it happened slower than the upside down method, taking 5 seconds instead of 2. and by the way, they wake up just as quickly if you lay them down and clap your hands over them. i mean it’s not like he hypnotized it and convinced the chicken he was really an eagle and we watched him soar into the air! for fucksake! why don’t you show us how you can slide the top of your thumb off and put it right back on too Carnack?! seriously!

why does this man have a career?? then the trial by fire bullshit was about the gayest thing i’ve ever seen.

that’s it.. that’s all i’ve got.. i honestly don’t think i can take much more of douchie mcdouchefreak, and the valtrex hookers, and i have much more important things to blog about like colorado gators, castles made of beer cans, and what to do during power outages in piss ant mountain towns. i’ll try to get to all that sooner rather than later.